What Sistahs Think… What Bruthas Know.

The Woman’s Guide To Understanding The Mind Of The “Real” MAN.

by D.A. Davis, Ph.D
(Playa'h Degree)

♀ “Men & women can be just friends.”  ♂ This must be one of the biggest misconceptions in the history of mankind. In no shape, form or fashion does any heterosexual bruh want to be “just” friends with a woman that he deems to be attractive.

Think about it... why would a man want to be “just” friends with you, when he could hang out with another bruh, relax and talk sh*t about you (or women in general), drink some brews and push up on other females? That is like a wolf “being just friends” with a sheep or a lion “being just friends” with a gazelle, it is unnatural. With all due respect… the only way that a bruh wants to be “just” friends with you is if you are handicapped, fat, or just plain unattractive to him. Even a very patient (or desperate) man may hang around the perimeter for years, like a piranha waiting for the first drop of blood or sign of weakness before making his move to attack.

If the sex is good maybe then it may be possible to be “friends”, and if the sex is not so good there is a good possibility that you just may not hear from him for a while and when you finally do hear from him, you can at that time be friendLY (if you still choose to, because you may now be slighty perturbed by this point). In the male mind there are only 2 kinds of punani... Punani that we have already “hit”... and punani that we have yet to “hit” (providing that a bruh finds ANYthing at all attractive about you and you are not totally disgusting to him). However, for the scavengers and for some bottom feeders for the male species... this does not even seem to matter as long as there is a hole or crevasse to be able to penetrate... any hole will do for this type of undiscriminating vulture of the species; sadly, this a category that the “average” male seems to fall into (I am sure that you have seen women walking around pregnant or with children and honestly thought to yourself, d@mn!, who would have had sex with her?!... Well that's whatI'msayin'! Come on now, be honest!).  

The bottom line is, if you are at least half-way attractive and not totally disgusting (i.e. extreme farting, burping, etc. or have a f#%ed up attitude) no REAL man wants to be (just) your d@mn friend!

♀ “Why can’t you get up and go to church like I do?”  ♂ The last thing that a real bruh wants to do after a long hectic week on his day off is to get up early, get all dressed up, and sit in church for two or three hours only to hear some former (or present) pimp/drug-dealer/hustler strutting around like a peacock telling me what I am doing, not doing or needs to do for hours on end. I don’t know why, but for some reason, women and gay males are so much more willing to lay down and to submit their will in this regard to be able to endure the torture of this regimented hypocrisy and have some pimp tell them what they need to be doing,  which in actuality has little to do with belief in a Higher Power and has more to do with gossiping and being seen. They say “church is wherever one or more person congregates in the name of the Lord”… well, I’m just congregating at the crib. Don’t get me wrong, I truly believe that a family that prays together stays together… but just not every Sunday or either we can pray at home and cut out the middle man.

♀ “Men don’t mind if you talk about other men.”  ♂ False, false, and more false!  We don’t want to hear that!  The only exceptions are if is necessary to size up the competition or make mental notes to use on later… on you.  If he does appear to be listening he is only patronizing you until he can “hit it” himself.  Otherwise, nobody wants to hear that s#%* !  

♀ “Men are ALL dogs.”  ♂ This so-called “dog” perception is tied into a psychological defense mechanism of having something to fall back on, “just in case”. The vast majority of men started out as “nice” bruthas until that first female either breaks your heart or attempts to play you. Who wants to get hurt or played? Once a bruh has been hurt… It’s on! A bruh’s defense mechanisms then kick in causing a man to say, “Never again!” This is when a smart bruh begins to keep several reserve players on the bench “just in case” one of his star players has to be cut from the squad, fouls out of the game, or is traded to another team.

♀ “He does things for me because he’s sooo nice.”
♂ You’ve got to pay in order to play. The majority of men find out at an early age that EVERYTHING comes at a cost, especially when it pertains to interacting with the opposite sex. Unfortunately, most women either ignore in their fantasy delusions or just fail to realize this fact. If a man is buying you something and giving you things or “gifts”, it is not because you are such a great person and you were put on this earth to have them bestowed upon you. I don’t care how “nice” you think he is, there is always an ulterior motive (you better believe it!). Granted it is possible for a man to get in a mood and do something for you for no apparent reason especially is it is his woman; but for the most part, for some stray, random, unproven female it’s quid pro quo… I’ll do for you now, and you’ll do me later!

♀ “ …If I lay the punani on him good, I can change him.”  ♂ Yeeaah!… Change me! Realistically speaking, you can think that if you want to; however, the only way that a bruh (or anyone else for that matter) is going to change is if something traumatic happens or he actually makes a conscious effort for self-improvement. However, a “good” woman can indeed facilitate that change by taking your man to another level. A good way to do this is by positive reinforcement... NOT by nagging tha fu#% out of me!

♀ “Men don’t have feelings.”  ♂ The cool exterior demeanor belies another defense mechanism so that you won’t play or dog him out and that his like, love or lust won’t go unrequited. So unless there is a reason or a bruh actually knows beyond the shadow of a doubt that you are down with him and you are able to do as New Edition sang about and you are able to “Stand the Rain”, otherwise you can keep all of the emotional nonsense.

♀ “Men don’t want to talk.” ♂ It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to realize that men and women communicate in different ways. We don’t mind “talking”… we just like to CUT TO THE DAMN CHASE! (at some point) Lots of drawn out melodrama you can keep, that’s when a bruh is ready to cut off emotionally and then ready to roll tha f*%k out. To most of us bruhs it seems that the majority of the times a sistah is just talking to hear herself talk, going on and on about nothing. If you want to rap, simply make your point, cut to the chase and chill out! After you continue to go on after the point has been made, beating a dead horse you may as well be speaking in Japanese or German or something, because all that we hear is “blah, blah, blah… yahda, yahda, yahda…” as if you are one of the parents on Charlie Brown or something, at that point you are wasting your breath... as well as my eardrums.

♀ “Men don’t know where we are going in the car.” ♂ “Why don’t you just stop and ask for directions?” Before GPS or even at times today, at some point every man on the planet has heard these forbidden words while driving with your woman in the car. Think about it… How lost could you possibly be? You still know what planet you are on, and the majority of the times you also are going to know what state you are in. A man may occasionally get disoriented, but getting “lost” is out of the question. I can honestly say that in all of my time on this earth, that I have never been “lost”… Disoriented maybe; but not lost. If bruh tells you{he may think it… damn, I’m lost a muhfucka’} that he is lost, then he is not a real man (either that, or it's time to call the Coast Guard because by this point you are really “lost” as hell!).

♀ “I want a man to be sensitive, caring like myself and have earrings in his ears, wear pink shirts, wear fingernail polish, etc., yet I also expect him to be a real MAN.” ♂ You better think again! If it acts like a duck, looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and hangs around other ducks… It’s thad @mn AFLAC duck!... Quacking out “AFLAC!” Ladies, you cannot have a cat and a pit bull in the same man. You get what you ask for, so if you want an Eric Benet/Maxwell clone of yourself walking around barefoot with toe rings and flowers in their dreads, with finger nail polish on looking like a beyotch, crying at the drop of a hat and acting all “sensitive” for no f#%king reason (not that a REAL man or bruh can't cry or be sensitive... just not every d@mn day!), just don’t be surprised if he has been with more men than you have.  
 

♀ “You can have oral sex on me all day and night, I may or may not reciprocate, but you still have to wear a condom.” ♂ What the hell is this selfish a**, mixed-message sending type s#*t about? If I am eating all up in you and if you are sucking and licking all over me, chances are I have already gotten whatever it is you may have by now, I just happen to have it all up in my face and mouth region by now, like getting hit in the face with an STD Cream Pie, so why wear a condom? As they say… “you are what you eat!”

♀ “I may be a hooker, stripper… or we may not be in a monogamous relationship, but I expect a 69.” ♂ A 34.5 is more like it! Only some straight up nasty a**, crack-head (literally), hard-up brutha is gonna do some sh*t like that! Bizach, I don’t know you! I can remember being at an acquaintances bachelor party down in Atlanta and this hard-up clown that was invited was in the crib actually eating out one of the paid strippers/hookers in front of everyone. A real bruh wants to think (or at least feel, since you can never be too certain) that he is the only one ejaculating in the vicinity before lapping all up in your crevasses or various holes; personally speaking, you will have a better chance of me sucking your toes first, because it is much less likely that someone has contaminated that area with their fluids prior to me staking my claim.

  ♀ “It’s okay if you cry in front of me… for real, it’s okay.” ♂ Unless you’ve been caught in a bear trap, bruthas don’t fall for it the okey doke! Regardless of what they may say, women generally see you crying as sign of weakness. When they tell you that they want a “sensitive” man... they mean sensitive to their needs. You can cry in front of the majority of sistahs if you want to, but as soon as you get into an argument or you pull that hard-core thug shit on them, you will instantly be reminded that your ass was crying like a bizach the other night when the two of you were watching “Coolie High” and my man Cocheez died.

♀ “Men and Women are equal.” ♂ I’m sooo tired of hearing this bulls#it that I could vomit. These “womans rights” lesbians (and Oprah) have your heads all f#%ed up! Men and women are equal... Equal in the sense that we are both human beings. A man being a M-A-N, and a woman being a damn WO-MAN… that’s it, with no gray areas nor room for discussion about it otherwise. It is utterly absurd to carry this “equal” thing to ridiculous extremes, like females wanting to play football, boxing, and playing basketball. Unless an attractive female is oiled up with some high-heels on with her toes out looking all good, with a thong on and her chest barely covered with her nipples hard and protruding, let’s leave the “sports” to the fellas shall we (the exception being, most of us bruhs do love to watch those thorough breed track females on tv, as well as Serena Williams playing tennis... WOW! They are ridiculous! And as good as watching softporn).

♀ “Although I have on this skintight dress with a slit up to the crotch, he should want me for my mind.”
♂ GTFOHWTBS!... Let’s be totally honest shall we? Generally the first attraction is a physical attraction, so let’s stop frontin’ and ignoring straight biological facts. Do you honestly expect a bruh to give a damn about anything other than “hitting it” when you’ve little or no draws on, your ass and breast out and jiggling, your nipples sticking all out directly in my face and you have a split up to the crotch. A bruh is not going to give a damn what’s on your mind, in your mind, beside your mind, how you feel, or anything else in a situation like that (I will admit that there have actually been times that I have been visualizing how I am going to f#%k a woman that fits this description while she was carrying on about whatever it was that she was talking about). No matter how much self-control or character a bruh may have, we are taken down to our primal instincts simply based on what we see just as the animals on the Discovery Channel, saying I’ve got to get this phat a$$ to the crib and hit it ASAP!… As my man Malcolm X stated, “By any means necessary!”

♀ “There are no good Black men!” ♂ There probably are “good Black men” out there... just not good enough for YOU! The MEN that may be good for you are overlooked because you are unable to see the forest for the proverbial trees in your pursuit of a fantasy mate manufactured to keep us divided, that simply does not exist. In addition, today you are just sooo damn educated, independent, outspoken, dominant and “strong” that there is no one good enough for you nor willing to put up with you for too long. You have a decent paying job, your own house, your own car and in your mind a good man is only an accessory that you can do with, or without. You say that want a “good” and real man, but at this point in your life, you are so callus, cynical and have not baggage, but airplane-sized cargo that you want your potential mate, as well as everything else, to be on your and only your terms. Compromise, patience, vision, working together as a team is only an after thought (if a thought at all). Sadly, by this point for many so-called “professional” sistahs the only thing able to tolerate you is a dog, cat, hamster or some some weak, punk ass “brother” or white boy that you are able to boss around at your whim without any reply.

 ♀ “White women are just as materialistic as we are, why do brothers especially the successful ones always go and get themselves a white girl?” ♂ Sure, perhaps they are. The difference is, that they look for one thing… M-O-N-E-Y! (Have you ever seen some of the White men the majority of Caucasian women marry? Not much to look at or not even much of a personality for that matter, and I’ll bet anything that the sex is straight up wack & all off-beat, with no rhythm) A sistah however, wants (actually demands) a brutha to have it A-L-L, like some kind of Prince Charming crack-head-drug-induced-fantasy-pipe-dream... A bruh has to be or have ALL (but not limited to) of the following criterion, in your warped sense of reality and grandeur: tall (but not too tall)... handsome (but not too handsome)... built (but not too built)... financially secure (and willing to share it with you)... educated (with at least one degree)... intelligent (but not nerdy)... funny (but not a clown)... sensitive (but not a “punk”)... honest (yet, not too honest)... religious (but not too religious)... charming (but not phony)... able to cook... able to clean... have good credit... no criminal record... outgoing (yet, not too out going)... obedient (yet, take charge)... professional (yet, a touch of thug)... able to satisfy all of her sexual needs (but not too freaky)... a “real MAN” (just not too “real”!)... And if you are missing one bit of this demented prerequisite criterion, then you are a scrub, a trifling Black man and you can go to hell!… Because, as I and many of us have all heard countless times, “a strong Black woman doesn’t need a man anyway, because she can do bad all by herself”. 

From our perspective, no one has time to be butting heads with you everyday over something petty and seeing who’s d*ck is the biggest... How can a brother become successful when they have to spend all of their valuable time dealing with a lot of unnecessary drama, appeasing you and your daily bulls#*t, contrary behavior and sistah attitude from you on a daily basis?... A bruh, like anyone else simply wants to be happy and have some peace of mind and a good woman that he can depend on.

♀ “We need to talk…” ♂ The most dreaded four words that a bruh can hear, especially after a hard days work or when a good ball game or something else good is on television and we just want to relax and chill out, a bruh knows that 99.9 % of the time nothing good is going to come after those words and at that point we know that trouble is well on the d@mn way!...

There are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy too many more axioms to list here, you will have to obtain & peruse tha guide in it's entirety!

*** I would like add one important caveat about this guide/book… in no shape, form or fashion is this to be in any way misogynistic or descriptive of all women. The compilation of this is by no means the rantings of one crazed man, instead many of the anecdotes are caricatures from years of research from listening to my boys, frat brothers (mine own frat, as well as others), business professionals, C.E.O.'s, doctors, attorneys, preachers, fathers, grand fathers, pilots, blue collar workers, etc... in barbershops, at work, college campuses, in the streets and REAL bruhs everywhere all echoing the same sentiments about the opposite sex that we all love but don't understand or comprehend whatsoever… These are the things that we all say, complain about, debate about and believe it or not, cry about when there are no women around.

Finally ladies, as the late great Johnny Chochran so eloquently stated in his closing remarks in the O.J. Simpson trial… “If it doesn’t fit, then you must acquit!” ***